Trying is not enough

This may sound like a rant from an emotionally unstable teenager, but my life is currently shit at the moment.

It's supposed to be the happiest moment of a father to have seen his baby daughter be birthed into the world, with the mommy still recovering promisingly. This is that occasion that makes a man whole, and his family complete. This is supposed to be the time of my life. 

It's obvious that I too have based my expectation of happiness from the sweet expectations of Korean Dramas that I once try to push away to have that legit standing within the less brainwashed. 

A month on, the baby's healthy, and is such a darling to her mommy and my in laws over there, which I'm glad are there for her. Wife's little sister does a fantastic job at taking care of both mommy and the little baby. Baby cries only at the slight depriving of breast milk, which the mother has in abundance. The night terrors too scares her at night, but other than that, she's a great baby for us beginners. 

Unfortunately, things have not gone too well between me and my wife. Sometimes I wonder if this is postpartum rage taking place, or I am too maladroit to be a good caretaker, but the stress is immense. It's easy to say that I look fine for a man in a lot of stress, but being told you're an idiot for every single mistake is tiring, and emotionally draining as well, and it doesn't necessarily translate palpably on your face either.

I just got a text saying that she did not love me anymore.

Wait, no, she already texted me that a couple of weeks ago, It's not some conclusion that I came up with a few minutes ago, based on assumptions that she may have been affected by her post pregnancy condition. 

I know, I know. This might be just a phase that she is going through. Still hurts though. I'm trying to be that husband who sympathizes with everything, but the personal insults, the constant sarcasm, feel like they are more personal than a barrage of explosive remarks. Like between a punch to the face and a corrosive toxic to the skin. One is a stupid, and unintelligent carried out in anger, the other is a much calculated attack that aims to scar the person in the most inhumane way. 

She said she's ready to give it all up. 

I hope she's not in her most rational state with all this stress of raising a newborn.

Maybe I'll be able write something more conclusive once everything is less stressful for everyone.

I personally don't want this to end. Not like this.